Dec 16 2008
Bahumbug
Yep this is how I feel. Actually I’m trying to have some Christmas spirit for my 2 3/4 year old. I really do not want to celebrate Christmas this year. This has been a tough year. I lost 2 babies and my sweetie and I just aren’t doing all that great. We pretend and we do not discuss anything that needs to be discussing. If we don’t acknowledge it then it isn’t real, right? No I am not fooling my self, I am well aware that is not true. He is a good man, please don’t get me wrong, he works hard he is faithful and a great father. I couldn’t ask for a better mate. I guess I am just being hormonal and lonely. My due date for the first pregnancy I lost is on December 24 and the second baby I just lost this past week. And I am going to be a grandma this week. I cannot say this one saddens me but I am just not finding too much joy in anything. Well I guess I’ll just pretend to be ok and maybe I will be.
