mamanet16

I used to be that person that was always late. It seemed I was always rushing in at the last minute, apologizing and sometimes even lying, saying I got pulled over or something. But now that I am all grown up (somewhat) I am on the other-side and people being late just seems so rude. Like the child I babysit for the hours were to be 7:00 am to 3:00 pm. But on the first monday I watched him his father dropped him off at 9:30 am. Ok so what the heck? Well his father has him on sundays and doesn’t have to be to work until later on Mondays. So I said “Can I expect Tommy at around this time every Monday?” and he said “Oh were you going to be busy in the mornings?” Like what else could I possible have to do but watch out my front window for you to drop your kid off.  But, of course, I did not say this, I was quite polite and said “I would like to know the drop off time .” I know it took all my reserve not to be miss smarty pants. So ok fine, Modays are out of the way. Now today “mom” was to drop little Tommy off at 7:00 am so I waited and waited she calls at 8:00 “oh I didn’t have to go to work until 9:00.”  Hello? Maybe it’s just me but I could have done a hundred little things in that hour like sleep!! Ok I probably would have been in my office online. But still…  Just have some common courtesy and call if you are going to be more than 5 minutes late. That’s all.  

I thought I knew how to potty train a 2 1/2 year old. Or anyone for that matter. I was wrong and I don’t know anything, I admit it. My wonderful daughter has been peeing on the pot for about a year. Not serious and whenever I go in the bathroom she will go in and sit on the pot. But I don’t think she feels when she has to pee. She just sits and pees. But then 15-20 minutes later will pee in the diaper or panties (depending how brave I am that day and how much laundry I want to do).  Ok so you say, take her to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes (as my dear hubby says).  Well in the real world it’s hard to take a 2 year old to the bathroom every 15 minutes (course, what else do I have to do?).  Besides she doesn’t like to be interrupted every few minutes. But when she goes she gets a sticker and we do a little happy dance in the bathroom. Everyone is happy, and when she doesn’t make it?  Well, I show her some disappointment and frustration and try not to yell at her. I tried the yelling and all it does is upset her and then she doesn’t go on the pot anymore. I suppose I’ll keep reading her the potty books (See jane run, see Jane pee) that kind of stuff and hope for the best. She doesn’t start school until she is 5 so I guess I have time.   

Why? I have no clue.  I woke up this am as usual at 5:00 to make the dear hubby’s breakfast, just like a good little wifey. (ha ha) and went back to bed.  He came in to ask if I was sick, no just blah. I think he probably rolled his eyes and went off to work. He believes that life is just dandy being a stay at home mom. Now, please don’t get me wrong, I love having the opportunity to stay home. With my son I had no choice but to work and work and work to make ends meet as I was a single mom. But when we found out I pregnant with my daughter we had decided I would stay home.  Little did I know that meant giving up everything I am.  I know there are mom’s in this world that are full believers in “ME” time, which I do get when she’s asleep.  I made a choice to stay home and this doesn’t included running around all over.  Well, of course, who can afford gas to go anywhere let alone “play money”. I have old work friends calling to do this or that. And I think where do they get the extra money? I have started babysitting to earn alittle cash here and there. Hopefully this will pay off. Oh well Nap time for the little one and my ME time.

Hid 20th birday.  It is so hard to believe that it was 20 years ago today that he was born. I was 19 when I had him and I didn’t know crap. (I hope my mother doesn’t read this and think “I told you so”).  I was having fun waitress/hostess by day and party animal by night.I looked older than my age so I was already going into clubs/bars. (Jeez now I really hope she doesn’t read this). Of course the laws and enforcement of the laws were not as tough as today.  I was not even carded until I turned 22. I thought I was having the time of my life.  Well, oops, and there it is. I was taking birth control pills, in fact 2 times (out of 3) I was taking the pill and got pregnant. That’s my luck.  And lucky it was. I was turning into something of an alcholic. I grew up quite quickly. No more partying and no more drinking. My child deserved more than that. His father, whom I had been with for 2 1/2 years, was too busy with his life and I later found out was screwing anything that moved.  And my son deserved better than that. So I gave him the best I could. We didn’t have much money but we had a roof over our heads and he always had food to eat.  He was loved and didn’t need monetary items to prove it.   I learned alot very fast but still, sometimes, feel like I don’t know crap.  I guess we all do. My life was blessed with a beautiful baby boy and I will be forever grateful for that.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

That’s the question of the day. My daughter and the boy I babysit have been having a pajama day. This is what they decided and I’m thinking great I don’t have to change. But midway thru they want to know why they are having a pj day. Ok I don’t know. I tell them that you said you wanted a pj day. Oh ok and they go play.  Then they want to know why this and why that. Most of the time I can answer their question, thankfully. Otherwise I give them some crazy answer which start a whole other story about this answer.  I do this to my nieces too and they are quite used to it. Although I think secretly I am the crazy aunt. Which is fine I’d rather be crazy than the stinky boring aunt. I believe in the old days it was called eccentric, which by the way I like this word. Eccentric,mmmm, it’s like wacky but in a classy way. So why can’t we go to McDonalds? Because I have to save because the goverment is going to charge me $816 Billion dollars for taxes.  Why? Because this is the United States! That’s why!

So today I took my daughter’s crib down. I didn’t realize how emotional that job might be. She’s 2 1/2 and has been sleeping in a “big” girl bed for about 5 months. But once in a while she wanted to sleep in her crib. And maybe I didn’t want to lose my baby. Sure she’s still my baby but she seems so big now. I don’t remember it being such a big deal 18 years ago taking down her brother’s crib. He will be 20 this wednesday. Maybe that’s why I feel like I’m losing my babies. Or maybe it’s my miscarriage in May. I thought I would have another baby to fill the crib.  That’s probably it, the fact that I have to come to realize that I won’t have another baby to put in the crib. Well at least this year I won’t. Or maybe never. Hard to tell.

I just put the little one down for her nap and she looked for the crib, “my baby bed” she says.  The turns to me and says “will mommy rock a bye the baby?” Of course I will, seems I haven’t lost my little baby at all. Thank god for these little moments.

So this is the message I left my sister last sunday. And today is Saturday, she hasn’t called me back. What happened to common courtesy? Good manners? Sometimes my sister seems like my best buddy and then she forgets I am alive. Granted we are both busy with our families and our lives but just a 5 minute phone call of “Hi are you alive?” I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Which, really, if I didn’t want to talk to her I wouldn’t have left a message or even called in the first place. We don’t just call each other to “catch up” there is usually a reason for the call. I really don’t have alot of friends and such where we just gab on the phone. Usually my friends and I will talk every once in awhile or when a birthday or something comes up.  Well I suppose I’ll try calling my sister again maybe tomorrow….OR wait.. I do not remember why I called her in the first place. Oh well.

Ok it’s always about the guys that cannot function the tv without the remote control.  I have to totally admit that I have become “one of them”. Yep I will sit there and watch an hour of infomercial just because I don’t A. feel like looking for the remote, B. will not walk 10 feet to the tv and (gasp) manually change the channel, or C.  Call one of the kids to actually change the channel (jeez what kind of parent would I be? lol,  Who am I kidding?she’s only 2 and cannot reach the channel buttons). I do not know when this has happened to me. It was until last year I had a 20 inch tv and no remote now I have become “one of them”.  I wonder if they have a support group for this infliction?  Or am I to carry this secret around with me?

We, my significant other and I, hardly fight at all. ha ha. Not very funny. We usually have a few major blow ups a year over something stupid and say alot of things we shouldn’t't but then we get over it and never discuss the problem, ever.  He is a hard working construction guy, busts his butt 40 to 60 hours a weeks in the summer and is off the winters. Before when I was working it was hard leaving him at home in the winters thinking we cuddle and stay inside where it’s warm and be all snugly. Yeah not in this lifetime. Now that I am a stay at home mom (i.e. I do nothing all day but lay on the couch, per him) those first 3 weeks of the winter we barely talk and usually have one of the major blow ups and don’t speak at all for a few weeks. Sound fun? It’s not. Well it seems our fight may be coming alittle early this year. He has been snapping at every little thing and making comments here and there. The microwave isn’t clean (after he blew up his dinner in it) , I didn’t wipe down the library books with clorox wipes, our babies toys are on the floor, the carpet is dirty. Jesus  does it ever stop? I realize this year things have been extremely slow in the construction world and we will have a tight winter but we will be ok. I have started babysitting to help offset some of the bills and make a little money for myself.  Last night I said”What is wrong with you? Every little problem you have a comment, you act as if I am stupid. You act as if you don’t want to be here” he says, “I don’t I am sick of you”.  Ok fair enough. Right now all he has to do is come home and sit down.  Maybe cut the grass. Everything and I do mean everything else I do. He does not even get his own drink. I say “well So what do you want me to do? leave?” he says “I don’t care. Do something about it”.  At this point in my life I am 39 with a 2 1/2 year old no job, other than babysitting, No money of my own and no place else to go. Nice. I have 20 years experience in the healthcare field, but we decided I would quit my job and stay home with our daughter.But he is right about one thing.  This is my problem and if I am not happy with it, then I need to make some serious choices. and soon.

Ok so I get a call from my son, he is hungry.  My son is going to be 20 years old next week. I tell him go to the kitchen and make something to eat, he lives with his cousin and about 8 other people. He tells me there is no food in the house and he hasn’t eaten since Sunday evening. And he doesn’t get paid until friday. This alsways happens he has no money, no car and still doesn’t have his own apartment with his pregnant girlfriend who is due in December and still lives with her parents. I understand being in a hole but he has no bills but $200.00 a month and he works full time and has no bills but a prepaid cell phone. I’m tired. When does my job end?  I’ve done the tough love thing.  Only to sit and worry that he is starving. I’ve done it many times and it seriously hurts your heart.  Today I went into a full blown anxiety attack, chest pain and shaking and legs quivering. I’m frickin nuts.  So ok, Dr. Phil, he would say hey he made a choice to blow all his money, which is and isnt true, I know he has been putting money into savings for a car and apartment but COME ON!!  Then I can also remember being hungry a few times when it was just he and I. I had too much pride to ask for help. I stayed hungry and I made sure I had food for him. So I went and gave him a few groceries and bread and milk and a couple bucks to tide him over until Thursday. And gave him another full lecture about budgeting. Sometimes I wish I could be that parent that says “tough luck mister, you got yourself into it  now get yourself out if it”, but I remember he is only human and here(in America) we have no logic when it comes to money. We depend on other people (baqnks and loans and credit cards) too much.  I love my son and I hope and pray he gets on track soon.